It is a commonplace among psychologists to say that people often find it difficult to say “no”.
I propose to revise, in fact to refute, this point of view. It is erroneous because this is the easiest thing to do for a lot of people.
There are many ways of saying “no”. If you don’t like the sound of “no”, “nein”, “non”, or “нет”, then you’re in for an arsenal of ways to let the other person know you’re negative.
“I’ll have a think about it ” is the most common one. People usually say this in full confidence that by the time they accidentally remember your proposition you will have completely forgotten about it.
“I need to discuss it” is another ways of saying “no”. You imply that you’re not a decision-maker. Even if you have to discuss something with your inner self, you’re still admitting that the inner you wears the pants at all times – even if you’re in a skirt (or kilt).
“I don’t want to do this today”… By George, I heard this so many times from different people. I live for the day when I will be surrounded by people who are dying to do it today. “It” obviously has to be something above and beyond the average list of things we do on a daily basis. It cannot be eating, taking a shower, or having sex. It has to be: sending an important letter, making time for a worthwhile task, breaking out of the routine.
As you can see, it is easy for people to say “no”. We all say “no” for this or that reason. Whenever there is a challenge, the first thing the majority of people think, say and do is “no”. There is “no” change, “no” progress, “no” happiness, “no” prosperity because all of these involve a huge risk of saying “yes” to the unknown, to the opportunity. They want to think about it, to discuss it, to postpone it – until the time the opportunity is gone.
Psychologists are fundamentally wrong assuming that it is difficult for people to say “no”. They misinterpret the chain of thinking when a person says “yes” to his oppressor. In reality, the person is saying “no” to his real self who would gladly refuse to be obliged. But because the person is afraid of what may follow he says “yes” to what he perceives as the real power, the dominant force.
So, next time you have to say “no” think exactly what, or whom, you are refusing. Perhaps, it is high time to say “yes”.